Friendship..... HMMMMMMMM....... Let's talk about friendship for a moment. Friendship can be difficult at like age 12. Or 15. Or if you move or switch schools. Or in college when you're really finding your way and deciding the crowd you want to hang with. Girls can be mean. Girls fight below the belt. Girls hold grudges. Girls flip easily. Girls let guys get in the way. Girls are emotional..... Girls are full of drama....Making friends can be easy but keeping them ... especially the good ones, the keepers, can be a bit more challenging. And that's basically how it was for me. It was always easy for me to make friends. I wouldn't say I was shy. I wasn't afraid to go up to someone and introduce myself and start asking about that person. I mean really..... MOST people love to talk about themselves!!! So 90% of the time if you start asking questions you'll quickly find out what that person is all about and if you share any common interests. Or if you need to find a reason to bolt! But as a child, even though there were PLENTY of times I felt alone (especially living out in the country), I always had friends (and plenty of cousins) to spend time with. It seemed the group of girls I went to school lot would get in fights pretty easily, but they blew over soon enough (or not cause remember girls are REALLY good at holding grudges) and it was common for best friend groups to change weekly. But we all needed each other, especially in grade school because there were only 9 girls in my class through junior high. And then in high school that number grew to about 20ish....but it was easier to have good friends in other grades as well because of sports teams or classes where the different grades were together. If I had to give myself a grade for the friends I made and kept and overall feeling like I had genuine friendships (as genuine as teenage girls can be), it we be an A.
Moving into college life changed things a bit. I didn't hang out regularly with a lot of girls that I went to high school with. There were a few, but living on your own in a different city with new classes and new jobs and new activities opens up a whole new world of friendship possibilities. I also wasn't one of those kids who went off to college with a bank account full of comfort and surplus. I had to work as much as I could and pretty much take care of myself. When you are 18 and 19 and 20 and watching your college loans rise pretty steadily and putting in $2 of gas at a time to get yourself to work and counting pennies to pay your next month's rent, you gain a lot (I'll talk about this later) and you lose a lot. I didn't have the luxury of doing fun girl things like going out and shopping and taking trips and spending spring break at the beach. So having one or two friends who understood my limitations because they had them too was a life saver. But because I wasn't a big partier or a member of a sorority, and because I had to survive, when I finally graduated from college it was like a rebirth of sorts. Time to move on, time to slowly dig myself out of my debt and my counting pennies lifestyle, and embrace the idea that maybe, just maybe, I might get to lead a normal adult life.
When I began my teaching career, it was such an exciting time in my life. Not only because of the reasons I already talked about, but suddenly I was surrounded by so many women who had similar interests and similar morals and were just FUN to be around. But they were also mature and level-headed and supportive. I will always cherish those women - I truly think I miss the camaraderie with my fellow teachers more than I miss the kids I taught. And I still enjoy keeping in touch with several of these ladies today, despite the fact that I haven't lived close to or worked with any of them in over 10 years.
Having children (and in my case quitting my job to stay home with my kids) puts friendships into a totally new perspective. Suddenly any free time I had revolved around ..... who am I kidding?? There is no free time! So my friend time including my tag along and suddenly new friends entered the picture.... new friends with babies and then new friends with toddlers.... breast-feeding support groups, other stay at home moms, MOPS group..... friends were a-plenty because new moms and moms to a couple of little people are all just looking for other moms in the same boat - and we are all just trying to keep afloat. And throwing each other life preservers when we find a fellow sleep deprived mother sinking.
Looking back....now after being a mom for almost 15 years..... I still have many women whom I love and adore and can so easily reconnect with when the opportunity presents itself. The problem is geography. Moving hours away from home with two little boys and then- 6 years later -moving states away can really take a toll on friendships. And that has taken a toll on me. Moving has made me realize who my true friends are and what kind of friend is not only important to me, but necessary. It's been a tough journey, one I didn't think I'd have to struggle with as an adult. But it's also taught me a lot about myself. I look forward to sharing more about this in my next 999,999 posts about friendship.
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