I can't decide if I'm meant to "blog" or not.... I've written blog posts before and I've shared pictures and stories of my family since we moved away from Nebraska. I've also enjoyed writing, although I may enjoy reading other people's stories and creativity even more. The extent of my writing lately has been writing notes to my kids, lots of text messages, and the yearly Christmas letter.
So why have I been continually feeling pulled to be a damn blogger?? It's been on my heart and mind for more months and maybe even years than I care to admit! I think part of it is the fact that I love reading blogs myself. I can get sucked into other people's stories so easily and before I know it I feel like I know the author and we should be scheduling our next coffee date. That's probably why I love movies and books and talking with people so much - getting lost in someone else's great story of humanity and walking away with a new perspective, some inspiration, and raw emotion makes me feel alive and so motivated to be a better me.
It is ridiculously easy to get lost in my own day to day routines, especially when my children are around all day and continually needing me for something. And every minute of this is a blessing. But I am telling you - moving on to my 40s really brought on some unfamiliar feelings. Some feelings of vulnerability, desperation, and panic. My oldest child is months away from high school and my youngest child is now 5. Crap!! I no longer have babies and I'm soon to be dealing with drivers and girlfriends and high school schedules and am already dealing with no more babies to rock at night or toddlers to chase around all day.. And here I am... a 40-something year old woman who doesn't have a clue what I will do with my life - after of course these kids are adults themselves. And yes, there are still lots of years to live before I am there. (Unless God has another plan and then I guess my thing will be eternal happiness forever...) But seriously! These years are flying by. They are flying by terribly fast and I'm feeling the pressure of making sure Kari is still there when those years are behind me. I know so many other women have to be in the same position I am in...I know I'm not alone. With billions of people in this world, there is no way I can be alone, even if that's how I feel sometimes. How do we find ourselves in the middle of these magical years of motherhood? How do I find the time and the energy to develop those special talents and interests of mine when I can't even keep my kitchen floor swept?? I'm not sure of the answer yet. But I know that I don't want to be the mom who has no hobbies or interests besides my family when my children are grown! I've been falling asleep for months and months thinking of answers. But 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there don't add up to much good thinking!! So I'm starting with writing. Even if no one reads this, even if no one relates or even is my writing doesn't make any sense, I feel that for now, this is my best avenue to figuring out what my thing is in the life - after wife and mom. I'll start right now with admitting some of the things 'my thing' won't be: science teacher, gardener, artist, decorator, poker player, actress, seamstress, and sadly, professional tennis player.
What is your "thing"?? If you know, please share!! And congratulations on finding it!
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